As a nomad and someone who isn't sure whether 'home' is a birthplace, a childhood, an adulthood, a person, or whatever housesit I'm currently doing, I felt so validated by this piece. Thank you, Lauren.
“But with the freedom to live and work from anywhere, how do you navigate choosing—or staying long enough for a place to choose you?”
I was born in Chile, took my first steps in Belgium, and the second I felt a deep sense of Canada, I ended up in Spain.
The only countries I chose to live in were Spain and Vietnam, but even then, staying in Spain doesn’t feel like a conscious decision. I don’t know if the culture is rubbing off on me or if by staying still here, I’m becoming who I am.
Sometimes, I think of defining myself as a “global citizen.” I believe that problems like climate change, poverty, inequality, famine, war, and the popularity of Reggaeton are global problems that take on a global mindset to solve. And nationalism is the root of many of these problems.
But upon further reflection, I realised the term “global citizen” has become an ideology in itself. Many who call themselves global citizens believe their way of thinking is good for others, and as Alan Watts pointed out, believing you’re doing good for others is full of conceit.
A world full of virtuous global citizens running around?
That doesn’t sound diverse.
Again, I’m not set on these thoughts, but as a third culture kid with loved ones scattered across the globe and constantly adding to and redefining the definition of “home,” it’s something I’ve been thinking about.
"I don’t know if the culture is rubbing off on me or if by staying still here, I’m becoming who I am." Such a beautiful, and resonant, statement. Thanks for reading 🙏
Breakups sure are great catalysts for stirring up questions of identity. I think it's quite brave for the first one you recorded to be so personal, and I loved it! While I thoroughly enjoy your analytical, journalistic writing I'm hoping you keep putting out more of these personal pieces too. And definitely keep recording them!
That was a lovely, personal piece. Self definition in a mobile life is tricky. I guess I define myself as a New Yorker, although I barely live in that city after decades and generations of it being home. Thank you for making me think about it.
Thanks for reading! Maybe who we are is shaped by the places that leave the strongest imprint on us, and that’s what NY is for you. Even though you don’t spend a lot of time there anymore, I bet there’s muscle memory when you go back after getting to know it so well.
I have been "chosen" but two cities in my life -- Sydney and Seattle. But when we left the US to become nomads, I finally felt like I was living "where" I was supposed to -- basically everywhere.
It's odd to say I felt most at home by leaving what was "home" but that is how it is for me. I am definitely not a third culture kid, but I never ever felt like I fully belonged in America. And leaving has only confirmed that.
Maybe another city will eventually choose me again. Until then I'm happy to simply have a polyamory of locations.
Fascinating to read about your experience. I think some of us are just on a frequency where the unfamiliar is comforting rather than uncomfortable, and travel really allows you to lean into that effect.
Noting perhaps there’s a follow-up essay in “polyamory of locations”! 😂
Really enjoyed reading this. Especially since I am personally contemplating right now whether I should make a place I came across my permanent home or whether I should keep on nomading.
I find it difficult to make sense of whether having a homebase is actually important to me, or whether I contemplate it only because people always ask. Interesting to reflect on. Good luck with your decision!
A beautiful piece, thank you. I am actually working on a Substack post called… Wait for it… Where are you from? Lol. But it’s different than yours, of course!
I warmed to this more quickly than much of your previous writing. Maybe the divorce is liberating your writing style too? I don’t mean that to sound flippant: creative activity is much more constructive, when many people seem to want drink their way out of divorce!
Like you, I used to find the "where are you from?" question a bit tricky. But then I realised that when the answer isn't a given, choose one (of the many options, in cases like ours) that may well be incomplete but isn't wrong, and more importantly, is likely to further the specific conversation in a direction you might desire in that moment. If things progress, there will be ample time to explore and expound upon the intricacies of origin vs homeland vs home vs current residence vs place of greatest affinity, etc. later. And if not, you've saved yourself the effort. The consequence is that the answer changes depending on the who, how, where and when of the question. But for something so essential, I think that's OK!
The fatal flaw with the "internet country" is the cognitive dissonance of unity through separation. That you can cleave your sense of independent individualism from community as a fungible commodity with no ties to place or land when our very species existence was built off it.
Yes, you can do the nomad thing. But that's just a commitment to avoid commitment. Peter Pan responsibility escapism.
I don't think you can live anywhere for under a year and not be fooled by the honeymoon tourist phase. People say they want to "live like a local" while traveling, but no one does. Living like a local means filling taxes online in a foreign language, finding and developing a relationship with a local medical specialist for a problem that surprised you, helping find childcare for your sick neighbor, and participating in the body politic of how the meat-space of your life makes political decisions that considerably impact you.
Anything short of that is just living as shallowly in a place the way people hookup on Tinder as a proxy for intimacy.
you're an incredible writer. I love what you said about how cities can help us understand where and how place and identity intersect. That's a beautiful line and so true. "Where are you from?" has never been a more complex question than it is today, one that directly hits at who we know ourselves to be.
As a nomad and someone who isn't sure whether 'home' is a birthplace, a childhood, an adulthood, a person, or whatever housesit I'm currently doing, I felt so validated by this piece. Thank you, Lauren.
I was nervous to publish it, so it means a lot that it resonated. Thanks for reading!!
“But with the freedom to live and work from anywhere, how do you navigate choosing—or staying long enough for a place to choose you?”
I was born in Chile, took my first steps in Belgium, and the second I felt a deep sense of Canada, I ended up in Spain.
The only countries I chose to live in were Spain and Vietnam, but even then, staying in Spain doesn’t feel like a conscious decision. I don’t know if the culture is rubbing off on me or if by staying still here, I’m becoming who I am.
Sometimes, I think of defining myself as a “global citizen.” I believe that problems like climate change, poverty, inequality, famine, war, and the popularity of Reggaeton are global problems that take on a global mindset to solve. And nationalism is the root of many of these problems.
But upon further reflection, I realised the term “global citizen” has become an ideology in itself. Many who call themselves global citizens believe their way of thinking is good for others, and as Alan Watts pointed out, believing you’re doing good for others is full of conceit.
A world full of virtuous global citizens running around?
That doesn’t sound diverse.
Again, I’m not set on these thoughts, but as a third culture kid with loved ones scattered across the globe and constantly adding to and redefining the definition of “home,” it’s something I’ve been thinking about.
"I don’t know if the culture is rubbing off on me or if by staying still here, I’m becoming who I am." Such a beautiful, and resonant, statement. Thanks for reading 🙏
That was lovely and so well written!
🙏
Breakups sure are great catalysts for stirring up questions of identity. I think it's quite brave for the first one you recorded to be so personal, and I loved it! While I thoroughly enjoy your analytical, journalistic writing I'm hoping you keep putting out more of these personal pieces too. And definitely keep recording them!
Thanks Erin, I really appreciate your comment. Breakups are indeed a catalyst for stirring up questions of identity—that’s a lovely way of putting it.
That was a lovely, personal piece. Self definition in a mobile life is tricky. I guess I define myself as a New Yorker, although I barely live in that city after decades and generations of it being home. Thank you for making me think about it.
Thanks for reading! Maybe who we are is shaped by the places that leave the strongest imprint on us, and that’s what NY is for you. Even though you don’t spend a lot of time there anymore, I bet there’s muscle memory when you go back after getting to know it so well.
Great read Lauren! It was my first time reading something you wrote and I am impressed! Keep up the good work :)
Thank you!! 🙏
I have been "chosen" but two cities in my life -- Sydney and Seattle. But when we left the US to become nomads, I finally felt like I was living "where" I was supposed to -- basically everywhere.
It's odd to say I felt most at home by leaving what was "home" but that is how it is for me. I am definitely not a third culture kid, but I never ever felt like I fully belonged in America. And leaving has only confirmed that.
Maybe another city will eventually choose me again. Until then I'm happy to simply have a polyamory of locations.
Looks, it's already become common jargon! LOL.
Fascinating to read about your experience. I think some of us are just on a frequency where the unfamiliar is comforting rather than uncomfortable, and travel really allows you to lean into that effect.
Noting perhaps there’s a follow-up essay in “polyamory of locations”! 😂
Love it! Perhaps have different folks weigh in on what the phrase means to them!
Oooh, perhaps a nice excuse for a Substack thread! Thanks for the inspiration 🙌
Really great - slip on the narratives to see if they fit.
Thank you 🙏
Really enjoyed reading this. Especially since I am personally contemplating right now whether I should make a place I came across my permanent home or whether I should keep on nomading.
I find it difficult to make sense of whether having a homebase is actually important to me, or whether I contemplate it only because people always ask. Interesting to reflect on. Good luck with your decision!
A beautiful piece, thank you. I am actually working on a Substack post called… Wait for it… Where are you from? Lol. But it’s different than yours, of course!
Thanks! Looking forward to reading yours 😊
I warmed to this more quickly than much of your previous writing. Maybe the divorce is liberating your writing style too? I don’t mean that to sound flippant: creative activity is much more constructive, when many people seem to want drink their way out of divorce!
Good to know, thanks for the feedback. A mix of creativity and cocktail bars seems to be serving me well so far, let's see 😉
I wish everyone would read loud their writings as you did. Amazing how it transfers authenticity. Glad you did it. Waiting for the next
Thanks so much!! 🙌
Thank You. By embracing your vulnerability loud, you give power to others. Enjoy the fresh start, with its magical uncertainty.
People get "polyamory of locations" more than polyamory or digital nomadism! But that's how I explain switching cities, towns every 1-6 months.
Where are you from... Argh. Exactly.
To expat settlement for reformed refugees. Ex USSR, ex Ukraine, ex USA. And so on.
A global country can start with an antiwar pro-deserters anti violence pro private/public camera surveillance movement. #me24men target vegetarians
Might have to try out “polyamory of locations” next time someone asks 😂
Thanks for reading 🙏
"Polyamory of locations." I love this.
Like you, I used to find the "where are you from?" question a bit tricky. But then I realised that when the answer isn't a given, choose one (of the many options, in cases like ours) that may well be incomplete but isn't wrong, and more importantly, is likely to further the specific conversation in a direction you might desire in that moment. If things progress, there will be ample time to explore and expound upon the intricacies of origin vs homeland vs home vs current residence vs place of greatest affinity, etc. later. And if not, you've saved yourself the effort. The consequence is that the answer changes depending on the who, how, where and when of the question. But for something so essential, I think that's OK!
The fatal flaw with the "internet country" is the cognitive dissonance of unity through separation. That you can cleave your sense of independent individualism from community as a fungible commodity with no ties to place or land when our very species existence was built off it.
Yes, you can do the nomad thing. But that's just a commitment to avoid commitment. Peter Pan responsibility escapism.
I don't think you can live anywhere for under a year and not be fooled by the honeymoon tourist phase. People say they want to "live like a local" while traveling, but no one does. Living like a local means filling taxes online in a foreign language, finding and developing a relationship with a local medical specialist for a problem that surprised you, helping find childcare for your sick neighbor, and participating in the body politic of how the meat-space of your life makes political decisions that considerably impact you.
Anything short of that is just living as shallowly in a place the way people hookup on Tinder as a proxy for intimacy.
you're an incredible writer. I love what you said about how cities can help us understand where and how place and identity intersect. That's a beautiful line and so true. "Where are you from?" has never been a more complex question than it is today, one that directly hits at who we know ourselves to be.